Turning 40 has been wonderful and I have had such a lovely weekend with friends and family. It has been just fantastic to be surrounded by such love and support. The ability to spend quality time with these awesome people, to be fed by them. Wonderful conversations, deep belly laughs and shared experinces filled my weekend. I am so blessed and happy to have these people in my life. Thanks be to all!

WOW, I am 40......time goes by so fast and I feel like I just got out of high school. I am excited for this decade and also for the next 40 plus years. I know that life is what you make it and doing the paradigm shift to accept growth and age and maturity and all the good and bad that comes with getting older and wiser is the best way to put a smile on your face every day. Life at 40 sure beats the alternative.

Spending the birthday weekend with friends and family and outside in the beautiful sun. I woke up this morning to a good friend knocking on my door with gorgeous flowers and a heartfelt card. That was the perfect way to remind me how blessed I am to have people in my life of quality and character, warmth and depth.,

Here's to 40....

Another day spent in prison. Not as a prisoner....a worker. Damn, those guys are hurting! It takes forever to realize that the only control they have is over their inner life. They are a rat in a maze out there, but if they can only figure out that they control how they react, how much attachment they place on things, that they need to be their own advocate.....all these things could make their stay that much more tolerable.


And to know that they parole many times to nothing. No family, friends, clothes, food, money or home. I had a guy today, very low functioning, who is headed out there to a scary world with nothing....not even street smarts and intelligence. It makes you grateful!

In the interests of self disclosure I must admit that during more self discovery of the past few years I have changed a few things. I will update photos soon as to not false advertise but I have changed my hair color back to the natural brunette to which I was born. I was also pretty injured while training for a show, that damn ego sure has funny ways to make you humble (can you say trickster?) and I have not been serious about training. I am still very active but there is much more balance involved. I think that my mind, heart and spirit grew in large amounts as my muscles got a little smaller. I am also learning to accept myself and also be all right with not knowing, loosening up the demands I place on myself.

The growth of the last few years was hard won. Change is scary and I don't always know who I am anymore. But then I do a paradigm shift and see it as exciting and a fun exploration!

What I love most about myself is my authenticity and my congruency. I am who I am....in good and bad ways I am sure but at least I am not fake. I don't try to justify or defend or validate my behavior and try and live without too many shadows...only some trickster!

Wow, healing. Forgiveness. Big words. Having had my heart broken at the ripe ol' age of 36, and now being 40, and realizing that I am still a bit raw over it I know that healing takes longer than forgiveness. And that sometimes there will always be a little raw sopt. I am hoping that this will allow me to be wise in the future and not hurt others and also appreciate the love I am given, to cherish that sweet spot that may reside next to the sore spot in the future.

Reflections on 40. I am excited and looking forward to what this decade will bring. I can not wait to see what path my journey takes. Finishing up my thesis for graduation with my MA in psychology. Glad that I have more time with myself, friends and family. Practicing balance and not over-analyzing everything so much. I have been mostly celibate the last two years and I am quite happy to find that I still have desire, passion and a libido. The weight and depth to which I had to process and study and work my way through the studies of the last two years really killed my creativity, passion, drive and energy. So excited to be alive and older and wiser!

Besides my parents I have lived with my son the longest..ten years and running. Before that it would be his dad, eight LONG years! ha ha. I am not a fan of living with someone, I enjoy my space too much!

Hello all....


blessings and forgiveness....

I fell off the face of the earth. I was working on finishing my masters in psychology and working full time and was busy raising my son. Also tons, probably too much, self-introspection and self process. Anyway, I am done with school, working as a therapist intern and also full time at a mens prison as a social worker. I was also injured training for a bodybuilding contest in October of 2006 and took a long break from training and working out. Also dyed my hair back to brunette, my natural color! WOW! I turn 40 on September 20th and I am so looking forward to my 40's....this decade will rock.

I am striving towards balance, working out again but not to the extreme I was. Enjoying some good food and wine. Wanting to travel and exlpore and experience. Get out of my head.

So, I am glad to be back and looking forward to MORE!

"Even though I ain't got money honey....."  MINE!   I don't always have enough funds and that is a struggle to be sure, stressful about providing for my son and me, but I love my life and do not covet anothers.